SEX, LOVE POTIONS AND ALL THE RAZZAMATAZZ

Sex education, sex advice, sexual anxieties, sex therapies….. magic lotions, creams and rings made of rubber and steel, manuals with techniques, positions and instructions.

From the word go, whether you believe in creation, evolution, alien intervention or reincarnation the fact is you have been exposed to all of the above, and that is just for starters.

Yes, when it comes to sex nothing, and I mean nothing, zero, nada can compare to sex advice – the misconceptions and the remedies offered to cure sexual problems, enhance performance and the biggest draw card of all, get your penis bigger and harder and better.

As a private escort I was never too far away from all the razzamatazz , and all of the above and more have been the topics of discussion. Some good, some bad in a mix of awe, the bizarre and ridicule.

Such discussions and all the wisdom that distils from them were just as common way back in time. The Chinese some 2300 years ago have introduced one of the earliest sex manuals known.
I’m not sure who the author was, but I can assure you it wasn’t a private escort of the old.
Well, you read in this manual that if you have sex with a different virgin every night without ejaculating you will become immortal. Certainly not a good recipe today since there aren’t any virgins left. Of course you can always try role play with an escort, virgin turning into porn star in two hours…

We have the Kama Sutra, the manual to life and eternal love. Then to spice it for maximum effectiveness you go on reading about orgasms and their page ranking, intercourse and a lot of advice about the pleasures of the flesh. Very spiritual and very carnal, yes spicy.

Now we do know there was one private escort, a true courtesan, who actually scribbled on a papyrus the perfect marketing strategy. This well-known high class escort, Philaenis, knew how important it was to making you think how important you are. A classic example of the elite escort the business woman.

During the dark ages there were sex manuals circulating pointing out sexual prejudice against women. Things like sex will drain all your energy, that women were the source of all evil, (please not the escorts) and that all women drain men from their power by having sex with them. There is a lot of truth in that you know! (smile)

Ok enough of the sex manuals and those infinite words of wisdom, how about a little love potion to get you going. Are you interested?

15th Century Venice, a very smart but lower class girl developed a potion with menstrual blood (she claimed it was her own and I believe her), rooster heart, wine and flour. Then she sold it to the upper aristocratic class as potion of love and means of attraction towards her. Well, for some time it did work, and they all fell in love with her and made love to her. And then she was found out as a scammer and put her to death.

Now there were press releases too, in 1561 Isabella Cortese published recommendations for getting your penis straightened. Do you want to know how? I’m smiling now, ok send me an enquiry and I’ll let you in on the secret. But do not send a photograph of your penis, you are talking to an escort.

Oops here is another one of great significance… significant bullshit that is. In the medical text “the functions and disorders of the reproductive organs” (1858) William Acton said the majority of women are not very much troubled with sexual feelings of any kind.
What was he thinking really, this William Acton …..? Whom he was talking to, I wonder.

Another great mind in “Confidential talks with husband and wife” (1900), the book advising those happily married to have sex once weekly, any more is excessive.
It should be once a month with the wife and every week with an escort, I think.

And today, we have vacuum cleaners – but please read “The joy of sex” so you don’t mount it accidentally… just a thought!

BBB…What? A Quick Guide to the Jargonic World of Escorts

Have you ever melted into a room, clutching a drink warmed by ten minutes of tight grasping and puzzlement, treading acronyms and confusing terms, trying not to drown in a foreign language though you understand the words themselves? Us too. It’s a common situation, as every industry is littered with jargon almost nobody – besides those in the know – understands, much less reels off on command. Escorts have their own tongue, a seductive tangle of letter arrangement and mysterious words to rifle through; make your appointment enjoyable by communicating your needs and desires in a quick form your escort will understand. It may also help you identify which escort is right for your needs, desires and hidden fantasies!

In alphabetical order, we have trawled the internet, interviewed the escorts of Bucharest and collected a host of terms you NEED to know before you hit the sheets:

BBBJ: What could all of those B’s possibly stand for? Big Breasted Buxom Beauty? Sorry, Marilyn Monroe fans, BBBJ refers to the bareback blowjob. You know, oral WITHOUT Durex getting in the way.

BS: What a load of…not that BS. Clean your mouth out before you spill a curse you can’t take back. Remember, never swear in front of a lady, unless she asks you to, of course. BS stands for body slide, a massage technique utilised by highly skilled, very sexy escorts, sliding over your slippery, oiled body.

CBJ: A sedate and most cousin of BBBJ, CBJ has a love affair with most condom companies; the shortened form of Covered Blowjob, you’ll spy CBJ popping up on a variety of profiles.

CMD: There’s nothing quite like a beautiful blonde, a ripe red head or a brilliant brunette (depending on your tastes); in the age of bottle dyes and beauty salons, it can be disappointing if above and below are mismatched. Never fear, if an escort has kept a natural head of hair, the carpet will match the drapes or CMD.

DATY: Have you heard of the Y? Are you sure? It’s a fresh platter of sensations, sure to make your head spin. Okay, we’ll give you a hint, the Y is below the equatorial naval and starts with C? Still no clue? Why, cunnilingus of course!

DDE: DDE isn’t a new cup size imported by surgery enthusiasts. Doesn’t Do Extras refers to a straight up service for the straight up patron. No ifs, no buts, no bribes, just sweet, sweet satisfaction.

DFK: Are you a fan of the tongue tango? How about an intimate caress and a well-timed exhalation as your mouth moves in for the kill? DFK is for those who like kissing, deep French kissing to be exact, with the face stroking and sighs that accompany it.

FL: When it comes to picking an escort to share your precious time, there are two lanes to choose from. Down lane one resides the sole traders of the escort universe, freelancers in charge of their own activities, cash flow and appointments.

GFE: Have you ever wanted a girlfriend, but only occasionally and when it suits you? Look no further than a GFE (Girlfriend Experience); you will feel special, warmed and treated like the sexiest man or woman on earth. More intense is the HME or Honeymoon Experience, but why don’t you try the GFE first, tiger?

LTR: Expanding on the question posed directly above regarding sometimes girlfriends (or boyfriends), an LTR is a Long Term Relationship. No, you’re not going to move in together, join your bank accounts and slowly yet surely plod toward a marriage proposal. An escort LTR occurs when the escort accepts exclusivity from a client, reliant of payments, affordability and the escorts discretion. Keep in mind, much like your Friday night hook-up, if an escort tires of your pea-cocking or preening, they will “break up” with you, much like the real world. Respect, it should be central to every appointment.

Have we missed something? Do you have a few acronyms of your own to add? Let us know in the comments below.

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